


birthright

by bluewalk



Category: Free!
Genre: Gen, sibling feels, spoilers up to s01e06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 06:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluewalk/pseuds/bluewalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto remembers the morning Ren and Ran came, because he had been waiting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	birthright

**Author's Note:**

> Speed-wrote this because a part of me still can't believe I have become so invested in this series.
> 
> Also, I have not read the light novel, so apologies in advance for any discrepancies.

Makoto remembers the morning Ren and Ran came, because he had been waiting. There was still dirt on his knees and on his face. His mother's gardening gloves--the lavender ones that were faded from wear and sun--were lying on the dinner table, one on top of the other, in the way his mother would rest her hands over her belly. He knew they were going to be upset, his parents, because he had forgotten to take off his shoes and now the floor was all scuffed up, easy to see with sunlight falling in through the windows.

In the night, his father had woken him, had said, we're going to the hospital, had said, we'll be back, in the morning.

And Makoto had nodded, squinting against the light from the hallway outside his room. He had wanted to call Haru, because it was dark and it was always easier to be brave when Haru was around, with Haru's hand to hold onto, but he thought of Haru coming to him through the night, of the darkness rising, vast and greedy, and the ocean so close, and Haru being swallowed up, three kilometers from Makoto's front door, and Makoto couldn't. He couldn't take that risk.

He hadn't called, even when he turned around in the bleeding red of his parents’ taillights and saw them in their little house.

He was still holding the old, chipped trowel--borrowed along with his mother’s gloves--when his parents came home, too late for breakfast. The goldfish bowl sat empty on the chair next to him. He had not said goodbye because he could not think of the words even when he was digging.

Ah, if that's not an ill omen, his father had said, frowning at Makoto and the dirt and the empty bowl. Fear stuck in Makoto’s throat, and he thought of the barnacles he had seen crusted on the bottom of the old fisherman’s ship.

But his mother, her belly flat, her face flushed and pink, had smiled at him and said, come, Makoto.

This is Ren, his mother said, and Ran. Aren't they beautiful? They're yours too.

And Makoto had stared at the bundles in his mother’s arms--two of them, two--and he had wanted to say, no. I don't want them anymore. If they're mine, they'll only die again.

The ground had been soft, and their bodies orange and pearl and glistening.

Fear. Small lifeless bodies, white for mourning along a calm-again shorefront, sunlight fractured through an empty glass bowl.

But he was still cold from the night and from loneliness, and he had reached out before he could stop himself. He already knew he loved them helplessly, because they were his, because they had come back to him, because they were still so small. And his mother placed Ren in his arms, heavy and smelling of milk and newness and warmth, his brown hair tickling Makoto's nose.

I'm sorry about your fish, his father had said, quietly, from behind and above, from a height that seemed impossible to Makoto as he held his new baby brother close.

\---

This is your home now, he used to tell them, leaning over the cradle that was once his. It’s bigger than your old goldfish bowl, isn’t it? When you are bigger, I will help you remember how to swim.

\---

On their first family camping trip, Ren was too scared, but Ran had laughed and followed him splashing into the river. It was only when Makoto heard Ren screaming that he turned around and saw Ran’s hand just as it disappeared under the water.

Later, his mother slapped him, screamed, you’re her big brother, screamed, how can you be so stupid?

I thought, he said. I thought.

Ren was sobbing, choking on great hiccuping breaths, as he knelt and wrapped his arms around Ran, who was silent and shivering, dark hair painted across her face, watching Makoto with wide, wet eyes.

That night, she snuck back into his tent with Ren holding onto the back of her shirt. She did not speak, but Ren looked between them and he told Makoto, Ran wants to say sorry.

No, Makoto whispered, suddenly feeling even smaller and younger than his baby sister. Don’t, please.

I’m sorry, Ran said. She began to cry and Makoto’s world went shimmery and cold. Brother, I’m sorry.

I thought you would remember, he said, fear like barnacles in his throat, his voice almost lost to the cicada song outside. I really thought you would.

He understood then: I have never buried you.

And in that moment they moved as one, Ren and Ran, and they did not leave him that night.

\---

He would start leaving flowers by the grave after that, and Ren and Ran would bring flowers too, because they have always wanted to do what Makoto did.

Makoto understood now. So he bowed his head, gave thanks to the ghosts of his fish for keeping him company before Ren and Ran, for guiding Ren and Ran into this life through the turbulent waters of the spirit world, for keeping Ran with them that day in the river, for teaching his baby brother and sister to love him even though he was so often weak and afraid.

\---

The day Matsuoka Rin left for Australia, Ren and Ran dropped their piggy banks out their bedroom window and ran downstairs to collect the change.

It hadn’t been enough for a plane ticket, not even close, but Makoto only said thank you, counted up the coins and bought them ice cream from the konbini.

I want to stay, he told them, and have ice cream with you two instead.

They looked so desperately relieved--almost disbelieving--and his heart broke to know how much loss they would endure for his happiness.

\---

He picks up after them constantly, even though they should be old enough now to know better, but he doesn’t mind. He helps Ran tie up her hair for school when their mother has to leave early for work, he helps Ren tie his shoelaces, he reminds the two of them to take their lunches from the kitchen counter. He always gives them the ohagi from his own lunchbox.

When they ask, he carries them on his shoulders. Ren wants to be as tall as he is, and Ran tells him to hurry up and grow then, so she can stop beating up his bullies for him.

Ran plays soccer and runs faster than all the boys in her class. Ren likes the clarinet and performs solo in the year’s first recital. Neither of them join the Iwatobi Swim Club.

They love Haru and Nagisa, but they barely remember Rin. Their favorite person in the world is Makoto. They tell him this all the time.

They want to go with him and the team to training camp, always want to go where Makoto goes, trip over their own feet to keep up. Makoto finds the strength to tell them no. The ocean is too big and even he is still much too small.

The night before he leaves, he lays awake and thinks he will take them to the summer festival, when he comes back. Maybe the team will want to come along. Maybe Rin too. It’s been a while since he’s gone. He will make sure to have enough money for goldfish scooping this time.


End file.
